Part Four: The Preacher Must Return to Himself

But often, when preaching pours out abundantly and in fitting ways, the speaker’s mind is lifted up within itself by a hidden delight in showing itself off. So great care is needed that he gnaw at himself with the tearing of fear: so that he who restores others from their diseases to health with remedies does not himself swell up through neglect of his own health; so that in helping others he does not desert himself; so that in lifting others up he does not fall. For to some the greatness of their virtue has often been the occasion of their destruction: while they were too secure in confidence of their strength, they died unexpectedly through negligence. For virtue struggles against vices, and the mind flatters itself with a certain delight in it. Then it happens that the soul of one who does good casts aside the fear that kept it watchful and rests secure in self-confidence. And to that soul, now grown sluggish, the cunning seducer lists all the things it has done well, and exalts it with swelling thoughts as though it surpassed everyone else. So it comes about that, before the eyes of the just Judge, the memory of virtue becomes a pit for the soul; because, in recalling what it has done well and lifting itself up in its own eyes, it falls before the author of humility. That is why it is said to the proud soul, “Because you are more beautiful, go down and sleep with the uncircumcised”; as if it were said plainly, “Because you lift yourself up for the loveliness of your virtues, your very beauty drives you to fall.” [a]

That is why the soul that is proud in virtue is rebuked under the figure of Jerusalem, when it is said, “You were perfect in my loveliness, which I had put on you, says the Lord; and trusting in your beauty, you committed fornication in your renown.” For the mind is lifted up by confidence in its beauty when, glad for the merits of its virtues, it glories within itself in security. But through this very confidence it is led into fornication; because when the soul is deceived by its own thoughts, evil spirits take possession of it and defile it by enticing it into countless vices. But notice that it says, “You committed fornication in your renown.” For when the soul stops looking to the Ruler above, it at once seeks its own praise and begins to claim for itself all the good it received to show forth the praise of the Giver. It wants to spread abroad the glory of its own reputation and busies itself to become known as someone everyone admires. So it commits fornication in its renown, because, forsaking the marriage of a lawful bed, it prostitutes itself to the defiling spirit in its lust for praise. That is why David says, “He delivered their virtue into captivity, and their beauty into the enemy’s hands.” For virtue is delivered into captivity, and beauty into the enemy’s hands, when the old enemy gains mastery over the deceived soul because it is elated at doing well. And yet this elation in virtue tempts to some degree even the mind of the elect, though it does not fully overcome it.

But the mind, when it is lifted up, is forsaken, and once forsaken, it is called back to fear. That is why David says again, “I said in my abundance, I will never be moved.” But a little later he adds what he went through for being puffed up with confidence in his virtue: “You turned your face from me, and I was troubled.” As if he would say plainly, “I believed myself strong in the midst of my virtues, but once forsaken I see how great my weakness was.” That is why he says again, “I have sworn and am firmly resolved to keep the judgments of your righteousness.” But because it was beyond his power to go on keeping what he had sworn, he was at once troubled and found his weakness. So he immediately turned for help to prayer, saying, “I am humbled altogether; give me life, O Lord, according to your word.” [d]

But sometimes the divine government, before advancing a soul by its gifts, calls to its mind the memory of its weakness, so that it may not be puffed up for the virtues it has received. That is why the prophet Ezekiel, before he is led to the contemplation of heavenly things, is first called a son of man; as though the Lord plainly warned him, “Do not lift up your heart in pride over the things you see. Weigh carefully what you are, so that when you reach into the highest things you may remember that you are a man; and so that, when you are caught up beyond yourself, you may be called back anxiously to yourself by the curb of your weakness.” So it is necessary, when an abundance of virtues flatters us, that the eye of the soul turn back to its own weaknesses and humble itself for its own health. It should look not at the right things it has done, but at those it has left undone, so that while the heart is bruised by remembering its weakness, it may be the more firmly established in virtue before the author of humility. For this is generally why Almighty God, though he perfects the minds of rulers in great part, still leaves them imperfect in some small part: so that when they shine with wonderful virtues, they may pine with distaste at their own imperfection, and in no way lift themselves up for great things while they are still struggling against the least; and so that, since they are not strong enough to overcome in what is last and lowest, they may not dare to glory in their chief achievements.

See now, good man: compelled by the necessity your reproof laid on me, while I set out to show what a pastor ought to be, I have been like an ugly painter portraying a handsome man; and I direct others to the shore of perfection while I myself am still tossed among the waves of my transgressions. But in the shipwreck of this present life, hold me up, I beg you, with the plank of your prayer, so that, since my own weight sinks me down, the hand of your merit may raise me up. [f]