Weeping Without Forsaking, Forsaking Without Weeping

Admonition 31. Those who mourn their sins and yet do not forsake them are to be admonished differently from those who forsake them and yet do not mourn them. Those who mourn their sins and yet do not forsake them are to be admonished to learn to consider anxiously that they cleanse themselves in vain by their weeping if they wickedly defile themselves by the way they live, since the end for which they wash themselves in tears is that, once clean, they may go back to the filth. That is why it is written, “The dog has returned to his own vomit, and the sow that was washed to her wallowing in the mire.” For the dog, when he vomits, certainly throws up the food that weighed on his stomach; but when he goes back to his vomit, he is loaded again with what he had been relieved of. And those who mourn their sins certainly throw up by confession the wickedness on which they have wrongly gorged themselves, and which weighed down the inmost parts of their soul; and yet, by going back to it after confession, they take it in again. But the sow, by wallowing in the mire after she is washed, is made filthier still. And one who mourns past sins yet does not forsake them lays himself open to the penalty of graver sin, since he both despises the very pardon he might have won by his weeping and, as it were, rolls himself in muddy water; because by withholding a pure life from his weeping he makes even his tears filthy in the eyes of God. That is why it is written again, “Do not repeat a word in your prayer.” For to repeat a word in prayer is, after mourning, to commit what again needs mourning. That is why it is said through Isaiah, “Wash yourselves, be clean.” For whoever does not keep an innocent life after his tears neglects to be clean after washing. And so they are washed, but are by no means clean, who never stop mourning what they have done, yet do again things that must be mourned. That is why it is said through a certain wise man, “He who is baptized after touching a dead body, and touches it again, what does his washing profit him?” For he is indeed baptized after touching a dead body who is cleansed from sin by weeping; but he touches a dead body after his baptism who repeats his sin after his tears. [a]

Those who mourn their sins yet do not forsake them are to be admonished to recognize that, before the eyes of the strict Judge, they are like people who, when they come face to face with certain men, fawn on them with great submissiveness, but when they leave, savagely bring on them all the hostility and harm they can. For what is weeping for sin but showing the humility of one’s devotion to God? And what is doing wickedly after weeping but carrying out an arrogant hostility against the very one who has been entreated? James bears witness to this when he says, “Whoever wants to be a friend of this world becomes the enemy of God.” Those who mourn their sins yet do not forsake them are to be admonished to consider anxiously that, for the most part, bad men are touched by heartfelt sorrow and drawn toward righteousness to no profit, just as, for the most part, good men are tempted to sin without harm. Here we find a wonderful balance in the inner disposition, matched to what each deserves: the bad, while doing some good without carrying it through, grow proudly confident in the midst of the very evil that they commit to the full; while the good, when tempted by evil to which they never consent, plant the steps of their heart toward righteousness through humility all the more surely because they totter in weakness. So Balaam, looking on the tents of the righteous, said, “May my soul die the death of the righteous, and may my last end be like theirs.” But when the moment of heartfelt sorrow had passed, he gave counsel against the life of those he had asked to be like even in dying; and when he found a chance to satisfy his greed, he at once forgot all the innocence he had wished for himself. That is why Paul, the teacher and preacher of the Gentiles, says, “I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin, which is in my members.” He is truly tempted for this very purpose, that he may be more steadfastly confirmed in good through knowing his own weakness. Why is it, then, that the one is touched with heartfelt sorrow and yet does not draw near to righteousness, while the other is tempted and yet sin does not defile him, except for this plain reason: that good things not carried through do not help the bad, and bad things not carried out do not condemn the good? [d]

But on the other hand, those who forsake their sins and yet do not mourn them are to be admonished not to suppose that their sins are already forgiven, when, though they no longer multiply them by action, they have still not washed them away by any mourning. For a writer who has stopped writing has not erased what he wrote just because he added nothing more. Nor has one who hurls insults made satisfaction merely by holding his peace, since he certainly needs to take back his earlier proud words with later words of humility. Nor is a debtor released by not increasing his debt, unless he also pays what he has run up. So too, when we offend against God, we by no means make satisfaction by ceasing from wickedness, unless we also follow up the pleasures we have loved with lamentations set against them. For if no sin of deed had stained us in this life, even our innocence would by no means be enough to make us safe as long as we live here, since many unlawful things would still assail our hearts. With what conscience, then, can a man feel safe who has committed wickedness and is himself his own witness that he is not innocent? [g]

For it is not as though God were fed by our torments. Rather, he heals the diseases of our sins with medicines opposed to them: so that we who went away from him delighted by pleasures may return to him made bitter by tears; that we who fell by running loose in unlawful things may rise by restraining ourselves even in lawful ones; that the heart which mad joy had flooded may be burned clean by wholesome sadness; and that what the swelling of pride had wounded may be cured by the lowliness of a humble life. That is why it is written, “I said to the wicked, Do not act wickedly; and to the transgressors, Do not lift up the horn.” For transgressors lift up the horn if they in no way humble themselves to penitence once they know their wickedness. That is why it is said again, “A bruised and humbled heart God does not despise.” For whoever mourns his sins yet does not forsake them does indeed bruise his heart, but scorns to humble it. But whoever forsakes his sins yet does not mourn them does indeed humble his heart already, but refuses to bruise it. That is why Paul says, “And such indeed you were; but you are washed, but you are sanctified”; because in truth an amended life sanctifies those whom the cleansing of the affliction of tears washes through penitence. That is why Peter, when he saw some terrified by the thought of their evil deeds, admonished them, saying, “Repent, and be baptized every one of you.” For when he was about to speak of baptism, he spoke first of the lamentations of penitence, so that they would first bathe themselves in the water of their own affliction, and afterward wash themselves in the sacrament of baptism. With what conscience, then, can those who neglect to weep for their past misdeeds live secure of pardon, when the chief pastor of the church himself believed that penitence must be added even to this sacrament, which above all blots out sins? [h]