He Never Received a Command

Since, then, the letter came from a false story and contained no order for me to come to you, I concluded that it was not the wish of Your Piety that I should come. For you gave me no absolute command, but only wrote as if in answer to a letter of mine asking permission to set in order the things that seemed to be lacking. So it was clear to me (though no one told me this) that the letter I had received did not express the mind of Your Clemency. Everyone knew, and I also stated in writing, as Montanus knows, that I did not refuse to come, but only that I thought it unfitting to take advantage of the supposition that I had written to you to ask this favor. I also feared that the false accusers would find in this a pretext for saying that I was making a nuisance of myself to Your Piety. Nevertheless, I made preparations, as Montanus also knows, so that if you were kind enough to write to me, I might leave home at once and readily answer your commands; for I was not so mad as to resist such an order from you. So when in fact Your Piety did not write to me, how could I resist a command I never received? Or how can they say that I refused to obey, when no orders were given me? Is this not again the mere invention of enemies, pretending something that never took place? I fear that even now, while I am making this defense, they may allege against me that I am doing something I never obtained your permission to do. So easily do they turn my conduct into an accusation, and so ready are they to vent their slanders in defiance of the Scripture that says, “Do not love to slander another, lest you be cut off.” [a]