We Open Our Thoughts to Abbot Abraham

By the favor of Christ, here is the twenty-fourth Conference, that of Abbot Abraham, which brings to a close the traditions and decisions of all the elders. When, with the help of your prayers, it has been finished, we think we will have paid the debt of all our promises, since its number corresponds in a mystical way to the twenty-four elders who, the holy Apocalypse says, offer their crowns to the Lamb. From now on, if these twenty-four elders of ours have been crowned with any glory for their teaching, they will offer it with bowed heads to the Lamb who was slain for the salvation of the world. For it was he who, for the honor of his name, granted them such lofty thoughts, and granted us whatever words were needed to set out such deep ideas. And the credit for his gift must be given back to the Author of all good, to whom the more is owed, the more is paid. [a]

So with anxious confession we laid before this Abraham the impulse of our thoughts, which, through the daily perplexities of our minds, kept urging us to return to our own country and see our families again. The chief reason for our desire sprang from this: we remembered that our families were endowed with such piety and goodness that we felt sure they would never stand in the way of our purpose. We kept thinking that we would gain more good from their earnestness, and that we would be hindered by no cares about bodily matters and no trouble in providing food, since they would gladly and abundantly supply all our wants. Besides this, we were feeding our souls on the hope of empty joys, for we thought we would gain the greatest good from the conversion of many people, who were to be turned to the way of salvation by our example and instruction. Then, too, the very place where our forefathers’ family estate lay, and the delightful pleasantness of the neighborhood, were painted before our eyes: how pleasantly and how fittingly it stretched away to the wilderness, so that the recesses of the woods would not only delight the heart of a monk, but would also give him a plentiful supply of food. We explained all this to him in a straightforward way, as our conscience faithfully told it, and showed by our many tears that we could no longer resist the force of this impulse unless the grace of God came to our rescue through the healing the old man could give. He waited a long time in silence, and at last sighed deeply and said: