Blind to Our Small Faults

The reason that drives us into this error is this. We are utterly ignorant of the virtue of being without sin, and so we imagine that we cannot incur any guilt from those idle and random wanderings of our thoughts. Made stupid by dullness and struck, as it were, with blindness, we can see nothing in ourselves but deadly crimes. We think we need only keep clear of the things that the severity of the laws of this world also condemns, and if we find ourselves free of these even for a short time, we at once imagine that there is no sin in us at all. So we are set apart from the number of those who see, because we do not see the many small stains crowded together in us. We are not struck with the heartfelt sorrow that saves us when the sickness of vexation overtakes our thoughts. We are not sorry that we are struck by the suggestions of empty glory. We do not weep over our prayers, offered so slowly and coldly. We do not count it a fault if, while we are singing or praying, something other than the prayer or psalm itself fills our thoughts. We are not horrified that we do not blush to conceive in our heart many things we would be ashamed to say or do before men, though we know that the heart lies open to the gaze of God. We do not wash away the pollution of filthy dreams with floods of tears. We do not grieve when, in the devout act of giving alms, while we are helping the needs of the brothers or giving support to the poor, the brightness of our cheerfulness is clouded by a grudging hesitation. Nor do we think we suffer any loss when we forget God and think about things that are temporary and perishable. So these words of Solomon fairly apply to us: “They struck me, but I did not grieve; they mocked me, but I did not know it.” [a]