Why Abbot John Left the Desert

The life of the anchorites, which you are surprised that I left, I not only do not reject or refuse; I rather embrace it and regard it with the deepest reverence. After I had spent thirty years living in a coenobium, I rejoice that I also spent twenty more in that life, so that I can never be accused of sloth among those who tried it halfheartedly. But its purity, of which I had had some slight experience, was at times soiled by the presence of anxiety about the needs of the flesh. So it seemed better to return to the coenobium, where an easier aim, once undertaken, could be reached more readily, and where there was less danger than in venturing on the higher life of the humble solitary. For it is better to seem earnest in smaller promises than careless in larger ones. [a]

So if I happen to put something forward rather proudly, and indeed rather too freely, I beg you not to think it the sin of boasting but rather my desire for your edification. And since, when you ask so earnestly, I think nothing of the truth should be kept back from you, I ask you to put it down to love rather than to boasting. For I think some instruction may be given you if I lay my humility aside and simply lay bare the whole truth about my aim. I trust that I will incur no reproach of empty glory from you for the freedom of my words, and no charge of falsehood from my conscience for holding back any part of the truth.