How to Hold Back Anger

So we ought to restrain every stirring of anger and moderate it under the guidance of discernment, so that blind rage does not hurry us into what Solomon condemns: “The wicked man spends all his anger, but the wise man deals it out little by little.” That is, a fool is set on fire by the passion of his anger to avenge himself, but a wise man, by the maturity of his judgment and by moderation, lessens it little by little and gets rid of it. Something of the same kind is what the apostle says: “Do not avenge yourselves, dearly beloved, but give place to wrath.” That is, do not let wrath drive you on to vengeance. Give place to wrath: that is, do not let your hearts be cramped in the narrow straits of impatience and cowardice, so that when a fierce storm of passion rises you cannot endure it. Instead, be enlarged in your hearts, and receive the hostile waves of anger into the wide gulf of that love which “bears all things, endures all things.” So your mind will be enlarged with broad forbearance and patience, and will have safe inner harbors of counsel, where the foul smoke of anger will be taken in, spread thin, and at once vanish away. Or else the passage may be taken this way: we give place to wrath whenever we yield to another’s passion with a humble and calm mind, and bow to the impatience of the angry man, as though we admitted that we deserved any kind of wrong. [a]

But those who twist the meaning of the perfection the apostle speaks of, so as to make out that the ones who give place to anger are those who walk away from a man in a rage, seem to me not to cut off the incitement to quarreling but rather to feed it. For unless a neighbor’s wrath is overcome at once by humble amends, a man provokes it by running away rather than avoiding it. There is something like this that Solomon says: “Do not be hasty in your spirit to be angry, for anger rests in the bosom of fools,” and, “Do not be quick to rush into a quarrel, or you will regret it in the end.” He does not blame a hasty show of quarreling and anger in such a way as to praise a slow one. This too must be taken the same way: “A fool shows his anger that very hour, but a prudent man hides his shame.” He does not lay it down that wise men should hide a shameful outburst of anger in such a way that, while he blames a quick outburst, he fails to forbid a slow one. Rather, if through human weakness anger does break out, he means that it should be hidden for this reason: so that, while it is wisely covered up for the moment, it may be destroyed forever. For the nature of anger is this: when it is given room, it weakens and dies, but if it is openly displayed, it burns more and more.

So our hearts should be enlarged and opened wide, so that they are not cramped in the narrow straits of cowardice and filled with the swelling surge of wrath. Otherwise we become unable to receive into our narrow heart what the prophet calls God’s “exceedingly broad” commandment, or to say with the prophet, “I have run the way of your commandments, for you have enlarged my heart.” Very clear passages of Scripture teach us that patience is wisdom: “A man who is patient is great in prudence, but a coward is very foolish.” That is why Scripture says of the one who, to his credit, asked the Lord for the gift of wisdom: “God gave Solomon wisdom and prudence exceedingly great, and largeness of heart like the sand of the sea for multitude.”