Hiding a Grievance Only Makes It Worse

On the other hand, we know (and oh, how we wish we did not!) some of the brothers who are so hard and obstinate that, when they know their own feelings are roused against a brother, or their brother’s against them, they try to hide the resentment of mind caused by indignation at the grievance on one side or the other. So they go off by themselves, away from those whom they ought to soothe by humbly approaching them and talking with them, and they begin to sing some verses of the Psalms. And while they imagine that they are softening the bitter thoughts that have arisen in their hearts, by this insolent conduct they increase what they could have got rid of at once, if they had been willing to show more care and humility. For a well-timed expression of regret would cure their own feelings and soften their brother’s heart. For by that course they nourish and cherish the sin of small-mindedness, or rather of pride, instead of stamping out every incitement to quarreling. And they forget the Lord’s charge, which says: “Whoever is angry with his brother is in danger of the judgment,” and, “If you remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” [a]