How Unity Is Kept Unbroken

The first foundation of true friendship, then, is contempt for worldly goods and scorn for all the things we possess. For it is utterly wrong and indefensible if, after the vanity of the world and all that is in it has been renounced, whatever miserable furniture remains is valued more than what is most precious, namely, the love of a brother. The second is for each man to prune his own wishes, so that he does not imagine himself a wise and experienced person and so prefer his own opinions to his neighbor’s. The third is for him to recognize that everything, even what he thinks useful and necessary, must come after the blessing of love and peace. The fourth is for him to realize that he should never be angry for any reason, good or bad. The fifth is for him to try to cure any anger that a brother may have conceived against him, however unreasonably, just as he would cure his own. For he knows that another’s resentment is just as bad for him as if he himself were stirred up against another, unless he removes it from his brother’s mind as well as he can. The last is the one that is undoubtedly decisive against all faults in general: that he should realize every day that he is going to pass away from this world. Realizing this not only lets no resentment linger in the heart, but also checks all the stirrings of lusts and of sins of every kind. [a]

Whoever has got hold of this, then, can neither suffer bitter anger and discord nor be the cause of them. But when this fails, the one who envies love pours the poison of resentment little by little into the hearts of friends. Then it is certain that through frequent quarrels love will gradually grow cold, and sooner or later he will part the hearts of those who loved each other, once they have long been embittered. For if a man is walking along the course we have just marked out, how can he ever differ from his friend? If he claims nothing for himself, he entirely cuts off the first cause of quarreling, which generally springs from trivial things and quite unimportant matters. For he keeps, as far as he can, what we read in the Acts of the Apostles about the unity of the believers: “The multitude of believers were of one heart and soul. None of them said that any of the things he possessed was his own, but they had all things in common.”

Then how can any seeds of dispute arise from a man who serves not his own will but his brother’s, and becomes a follower of his Lord and Master? For the Lord, speaking in the character of the humanity he had taken on, said: “I have not come to do my own will, but the will of him who sent me.” Or how can he stir up any occasion for contention, if he has decided to trust his brother’s decision more than his own judgment, and lets his brother’s will approve or reject his own discoveries, his understanding and his ideas, fulfilling in the humility of a devout heart these words from the Gospel: “Yet not as I will, but as you will”? Or how will he allow anything that grieves his brother, if he thinks that nothing is more precious than the blessing of peace and never forgets these words of the Lord: “By this all people will know that you are my disciples, that you love one another”? For by this, as by a special mark, Christ willed that the flock of his sheep should be known in this world, and be set apart from all others by this stamp, so to speak.

But on what grounds will he allow the bitterness of resentment either to enter into himself or to remain in another? For his firm conviction is that there can be no good ground for anger, since it is dangerous and wrong. He holds that when his brother is angry with him he cannot pray, just as he cannot when he himself is angry with his brother, for he always keeps in a humble heart these words of our Lord and Savior: “If you bring your gift to the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there at the altar and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift.” For it will be no use for you to declare that you are not angry, and to believe that you are fulfilling the command that says, “Do not let the sun go down on your anger,” and, “Whoever is angry with his brother will be in danger of the judgment,” if with an obstinate heart you disregard another’s resentment, which you could smooth away by kindness on your part. For you will be punished in the same way for breaking the Lord’s command. He who said that you should not be angry with another also said that you should not disregard another’s resentment. For in the sight of God, “who wants all people to be saved,” it makes no difference whether you destroy yourself or someone else. The death of anyone is equally a loss to God. And at the same time it is equally a gain to the one to whom all destruction is delightful, whether he gains it by your death or by the death of your brother. Lastly, how can a man keep even the least resentment against his brother, if he realizes every day that he is soon to depart from this world?