The Friendship Nothing Can Break

Among all these, then, there is one kind of love that cannot be broken. In it the bond comes not from the favor of a recommendation, or some great kindness or gifts, or the terms of a bargain, or the necessities of nature, but from likeness in virtue alone. This, I say, is the love that no chance can break, that no distance of time or space can sever or destroy, and that even death itself cannot part. This is true and unbroken love, which grows through the twofold perfection and goodness of the friends. Once its bonds have been entered, no difference of liking and no disturbing clash of wishes can sever it. But we have known many who set out with this purpose and yet could not keep it up continually and without a break, though they had been joined together in companionship out of their burning love for Christ. For although they relied on a good beginning for their friendship, they did not keep up with one and the same zeal the purpose they had entered on. So there was between them a kind of love that lasted only for a while. It was kept up not by the goodness of both alike but by the patience of one of them, and so, although the one holds to it with tireless heroism, it is sure to be broken by the pettiness of the other. For the weaknesses of those who are somewhat cold in seeking the healthy state of perfection, however patiently the strong may bear them, are still not put up with by those who are weaker themselves. They have causes of disturbance planted within them that do not let them be at ease. They are like people who suffer from bodily weakness and generally blame their delicate stomachs and poor health on the carelessness of their cooks and servants. However carefully their attendants serve them, they still put the cause of their upset down to those who are in good health, because they do not see that it really comes from the failure of their own health. [a]

That is why, as we said, the sure and unbreakable union of friendship is the one whose only tie is likeness in goodness. For “the Lord makes people to be of one mind in a house.” And so love can continue undisturbed only in those who have one purpose and one mind, to will the same things and to refuse the same things. And if you also want to keep this love unbroken, you must take care first to get rid of your faults and to put your own desires to death. Then, with united zeal and purpose, carefully fulfill what the prophet especially delights in: “See how good and joyful a thing it is for brothers to live together in unity.” This should be understood of unity of spirit rather than of place. For it is of no use for those who differ in character and purpose to be joined in one dwelling, nor is it any hindrance for those who are grounded in equal goodness to be separated by distance. For with God it is union of character, not of place, that joins brothers together in a common dwelling, and unruffled peace can never be kept where a difference of will appears.